How I found joy
I am young, and while other girls my age are still dabbling in the art of dating and partying; I have put away my shot glasses and skimpy outfits. I had to grow up rather quickly, even before I became a wife and mother. Until I met my husband I was walking upon a path where I didn't even know what I hoped to find once I reached the end. When I met my husband at the ripe age of sixteen, something sparked in me. We dated for a year, he left for the Marine Corps, and a week later I found out I was pregnant with our daughter. We were married when our daughter was five months old. We didn't marry in the traditional fashion, but we didn't know what we wanted or what we were meant to do in that sense. All we knew was that we loved each other, and our baby girl, and we wanted to be a family. Now we have been together for six years, and married for almost four. We also recently welcomed our newest addition, our baby boy. Now, here's where my epiphany began. I used to say I became saved at the age of 18, because that's when I really began trying to focus on God more. But I drifted away and back-slided every so often. I shamefully turned away from God. I forgot to pray and read my Bible and I was too tired to wake up for church every Sunday. During my pregnancy, I struggled. My baby was never in any danger, and my pregnancy was normal in that aspect. But I felt so physically miserable and from very early, even just standing or sitting was unbearable. People wanted me to attempt a natural birth, because I had had my emergency C-section four years prior and according to my op-report I was a prime candidate to give it a try. However, the choice was mine to make. I did what my midwife suggested and completed extensive research, watched videos, and even attended a class. But I figured, only God could guide me in the right direction. I prayed and prayed on the subject for months. And I listened. I really felt that God was pushing me towards a repeat C-section. And so, when it came time for me to have my scheduled repeat C-section, I was so ready to welcome my baby boy into the world. But as they took me into the operating room, everything seemed so ominous. It was freezing, and the table was uncomfortable. I was exposed, and poked and prodded. I was nervous and afraid. It wasn't this way with my daughter, because she had been born via an emergency C-section, and after 30 hours of labor with no food or sleep, I wasn't very aware of my surroundings and just wanted my daughter out and safe. But this was different. I was aware and awake, and scared. It had been over a year since I had been to church, and I couldn't remember when was the last time I had read my Bible to be honest. Even though I wasn't doing my part to maintain my relationship with God, I never felt far from Him and I still prayed to Him every so often. I always sensed His presence, especially when I most needed Him. As they began the procedure I was still wary of what might happen, and my husband was nervously making jokes as he sat next to me. Until he saw my blood, in a pool, coming towards his feet. After they finally got the baby out, they sent him and my husband away (the baby was doing well), and they continued to work on me. It was taking a really long time, and I heard whispers "not contracting, bleeding...." The spinal block was wearing off because it was taking so long and I began to feel slowly increasing pain. They started giving me meds to help me sleep, but before the medication kicked in, I prayed. I prayed harder than I ever had and asked God to bless me and allow me to live another day so that I may see my husband and children, and so that I may know Him better. I slept. When I woke up, there were doctors and nurses all around me, and my husband was cradling our baby in the corner. The surgeon explained that my old incision was weak and tearing apart even just from them trying to stitch me back up. They had to hold my uterus for over an hour to control the bleeding, and they inserted a balloon so that my uterus would contract and hopefully the bleeding would get under control. She said I was very close to needing a blood transfusion and a hysterectomy. She said it was good that I chose to have a repeat C-section, because if I had gone the natural route my uterus would have ruptured, and with a C-section everything is controlled and they can see what the problem is right away. She explained that it might be best for us to not have any more children. Some people might have hated that last part, but I was too busy praising God for intervening and saving my life. I am not a 22 year old woman with menopause, and I am still breathing and caring for my children and spending time with my husband. After that day, God began a work in me. Now I strive to serve Him, and I strive to maintain my relationship with Him. I spend time with Him every day, and I praise Him every chance I get. I strive to be a better child of God, a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better sister, and a better friend. I strive to allow God to do His work in me and mold me into the person He wants me to be. Some may think I'm crazy, but I know for a fact that it was God that intervened that day and saved my life. A day that was meant to be joyous and full of blessing, ended up being just that; multiplied by a thousand. We have so much to be grateful for and all glory goes to God. I know now that God has guided me through all of my trials and that He strengthens me up everyday. I know I will still have bad days, but God will always see me through and better days will always come. Joy is not a permanent emotion. Like every emotion, it is fleeting. But with God's guidance, we can see that joy is not the absence of suffering, but the presence of God. God did not fail me, and I praise Him for guiding me when I was trying to decide what would be best for my family and I, in terms of the birth of my son. And I praise Him for intervening on my behalf and giving me another chance. I have failed Him countless times, but He has never failed me. My only regret is that it took all of this to show me just how much I need Him and that I need to do my part in getting to know Him and welcoming Him into every single detail of my life. God has brought me great joy, and a great purpose. I serve Him through my family, and I strive to serve Him through the church and needy, and by spreading the gospel. I shall do the work to maintain the joy I have found in God.